My first and last love

I still remember every detail of that night. How we got in that fight. From the very first time we spoke, until I knew there was no more hope. Well this is the story about my first and last love!

 

She was my everything. She was always there to wipe away my tears and support  me to fight away my fears. But now I sit alone and ask myself, why she had to leave? Didn’t she know I couldn’t live without her? Why didn’t she tell me what she was going through? I guess she did really hide it well! That night she called me. I remember every word she said. It keeps going over and over in my head.

 

I kept yelling at her to tell me what was going on. I told her not to do anything she knew was stupid and wrong. She told me one more time that she loved me but SHE HAD TO GO. Then there was silence on the other end of the phone. I sat there and cried until I heard the dial tone. Then I got up and ran to her house.

 

When I got there I saw my love just lying there, but it wasn’t her anymore. I still want to know what she did that for? It has been one year since that day, since she thought she had to go away. And here I sit on her grave, with my head down in the ground crying as my hands are going over her name.

 

I still love her more than ever and I can’t take this anymore. I take the pills out of my pocket and I take them one by one, until the whole thing is gone. I sit here and wait; I know it won’t be long. I sit with a smile on my face knowing all this pain will soon go away, and I will be with her to stay.

 

I look at her picture once more and then all of a sudden there she is. I cry happy tears knowing we will now be together forever. And no one can take her away! NOT EVER!

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She never leaves me alone!

Someone ,
Is so possessive about me
Never leaves me isolated
In crowded areas
Accompany me always
In my solitude !

Someone,
Is so concerned about me
Tempt me always
To share the unshared words with her
Because others wont comprehend
What I really mean!


When I try ,
To build relations with others
She ensures me that
They are all ordinary people
Drenched in their own self interest
Just making friendship with me .. !!

I am your truth
I am your companion

Yes, My Loneliness never leaves me alone ever!!

Hidden

Yesterday I spent the full day with my girl,
What a feeling it was to see her smile and blush,
We were two birds free to explore the skies,
It all felt so beautiful and nice.

I travelled 7 hours to meet her now,
My heart beating faster and now time was slow,
I called her and told her I am here,
The joy and excitement had to be there.

Then she came from the back to surprise me,
Wow!! More beautiful than any girl I have ever seen,
She smiled and hugged me with all the love,
The skies were celebrating the union of the doves.

Her eyes mesmerized my senses hypnotized,
Her smile was a beautiful poem unexpressed,
Her blush made a new meaning of beauty,
I was like the priest and she my Goddess-deity.

We talked all day and all night long,
Her voice was like the best ever heard song,
Her touch made me feel warm and secure,
What a feeling it was to be with my dear.

Feelings and emotions for her, hidden inside,
Further rules I couldn’t abide
I kissed her tender lips, slowly, I motioned toward her,
Holding her close to my heart.

Softly, I bring her head to mine,
Faintly whispering the only words that come to mind,
"I love you."

Little did he know…!!

When Rohan and Priyanka looked into each other’s eyes for hours holding hands for the first time, little did Rohan know that after six years it would be so uncomfortable to look into each other’s eyes even for a fraction of a second.

The first kiss on each others lips, the endless and tender hug, roaming around the entire house with Priyanka on his back, taking her in his arms, dancing with each other to the tune of a romantic instrumental, fighting with each other and then rolling with laughter - all these came as a flashback suddenly when Rohan met Priyanka after almost three years of their break up. When they were in love, the entire world didn’t seem to have existed for them. Lost in each others thoughts and love. Every time they hugged each other, Priyanka used to murmur, “ Please never leave me Rohan, I won’t be able to live without you.” And Rohan used to reply in an assuring voice “Sweetheart, in this false world of false truths, I know only one thing true… I’d give up everything just to be with you.” Priyanka felt the safest when she was in his arms and there was no place for anyone else between them. But, now it has become an unbridgeable gap between the two of them. 

Promises to see each other grow old together and innocent hearts were broken. Nothing seemed to work out, when they had to go through a phase of long distance relationship. Rohan did almost everything he could have, to never let go his love. He went to meet her almost across the country, just to make things right. Just to see that love in her eyes for him once again. He never realized that things had changed so much. Still with an everlasting hope, he kissed her saying everything would be perfect again sweetheart, before boarding his train back home…

But little did he know, that it would be the last time their lips ever touched each others, that this goodbye didn’t mean only till tomorrow, but for a lifetime…

Escape...

Sometimes I find myself in the crossroads of my life. I don’t want to get stuck in the monotonous life. I just want to escape, to escape the way I feel and all the confusion that’s in my head, I want to walk away and forget how I feel and just be free from it all...

But I know I can’t, because there is NO escape from myself!!!

Every day right from the moment I get up, I am either chasing some goal or trying to escape some responsibility; either fighting my past or struggling to shape my future.

When bad stuff happens to me, I often get discouraged, screaming inside myself saying, “why me?” I am tired of living as a debt slave. I feel like a puppet that can see his strings. I want to escape from all this.

Sometimes I am in collision with solitude, in search of myself inside my own senses.

Sometimes the space invites me upwards and a dismal shadow tries to take me to my past from which I am always trying to escape.

But I know I can’t, because there is NO escape from myself!!!

For years I have thought of escaping from myself, but in the process I found out that it’s actually the dysfunctional society that’s poisoning us both physically and emotionally which I want to escape from. I hate living in a society that is so judgemental and conformist, a society where money and greed overwhelm the need for love and peace among us.